the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
