C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
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