tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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