In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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