I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
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