yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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