My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Randomize
