I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Randomize
