I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
jump out the window naked night went bad
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
