I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
