Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Houston, we have a blender
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Randomize
