I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
