Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
