Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
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