This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Randomize
