my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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