Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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