That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Last time i carry you out of a forest
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
