I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize