Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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