I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
