omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
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