She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
