She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Randomize