You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
I'm going to jail i love you
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
