he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
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