There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
