hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
you win again, gameday.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Randomize