ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
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