Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Randomize
