Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
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