I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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