There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
