Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Randomize
