he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
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