i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
