Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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