This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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