I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Randomize
