I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Randomize
