i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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