I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
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