How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
