Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Randomize
