its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize