what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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