well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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