That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Randomize
