If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Randomize
