respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
