no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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