So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
So apparently I’m into choking now
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
