He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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