I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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