He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
