Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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