Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
