i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
