That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
