Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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