i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
