I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
