now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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