so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
