Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
