She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Randomize
