I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
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