shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
