I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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