Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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