I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
