i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
