how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
