Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
porn star boner night. come get it.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
