the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
