I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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