She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
