help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
