she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Randomize
