Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Randomize
