Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
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