Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Randomize
