Three words: puerto rican gang bang
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Randomize
