I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Randomize
