Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
