3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
