i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
im six kinds of drunk right now
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
